Wednesday, 11 June 2008

You have me...

My I.T and Maths teacher, Ms Di Cesare's breath is so smelly, that it makes people feel sick! I experienced a bit of it, and man it was bad as! When my friend, Paige, experienced it before me during I.T, and told me about how it made her feel sick and all, I half believed her. When I experienced it myself though, man! I felt sick straight away!
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"Suicidal, suicidal..."And you know...the thought of suiciding has crossed my mind more than a couple of times..sometimes because of a particular person, most times because of the thoughts that cross my mind. Like this thought "You were an accident you know...", said more than a few times by my brothers and sisters. And hey I won't lie, I might look solid on the outside, but I really am an emotional and sensitive person. I've cried, also more than a couple of times, due to those words.

And urgh! How much do you dislike the word 'jealousy'? I'll admit it. I get jealous easily. I get very, in fact. Oh, oh, and the word 'shyness'? Yes, God made each and every one of us special in their own way. I guess I'm just really shy hey? It crossed my mind today, because of jealousy. Argh!

Or you know, maybe its just the fact that I'm always talking to myself, telling myself "Oh hey that was nice, that was funny, that was lame..."all those kind of things...and also the fact that there's always no conversations when I'm at home. Like, Weeli is always out, Weejim is always in his room, which is Weeli's too, with the door closed, doing something. Then there's Sue Anne, who's at Uni or work most of the time. My parents? Well, they're not exactly my age are they? Even when Li, Jim, and Anne are at home, the age gap is like...and you normally find I'm the black sheep of the family. The one left out. Li, Jim, Anne go together, but I've got no one to go with. So who am I left with? Me, Myself, and I. And they talk to each other. Which is so not normal right, because they're the same person right? Tell me about it...

You mix my youngest child syndrome, which affects me quite a bit, and my constant search for approval, and you get Weetyr 2, completely the opposite to Weetyr. So, if you're wondering why I've been acting weird, it's been Weetyr 2 all the while. He's gone for now...only when people are around, then he comes out. Yes, I know, the only opinion that really counts is God's right? Yes, you say that, but its easier said than done. You've got to admit, that the search for approval among people always crosses your mind.

I've lost the ability to believe in myself. To be myself. To live life. I just can't do it. Lord, I need your help...
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Gamba Osaka guy, if you're reading this, or maybe the girl I like is, which I don't think either will, well, I just want Gamba Osaka guy to know, that even though you like "her" (ask me who if you want to know, but you have to promise to keep it a secret), you've got competition. And it's me. Although I might lose, I want you to know, I like her too, and I have liked her for longer than you have, but that's not my point. Also, no, Daphne, I've gotten over you-know-who, if that's who you're thinking of. I actually like someone I used to like. Again. Talk about Deja Vu...........
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PS: Happy 21st Birthday Li! Thanks for being a great brother to me!

Tyr

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